Thursday, February 4, 2010

When Good Enough, Isn't.

I've been blessed with a wonderful life. I've overcome disadvantages to become a successful, educated woman with a good job and a wonderful family and a home of my own. The path has not always been smooth, but overall I would say that by the spring of 2007, when my last "Happily Ordinary" posts appeared, I was both fortunate and grateful.

The stone in my shoe was this: I was fortunate and grateful and I wanted more. I had an empty place inside me and a dread hanging over me that all of this--wonderful as it was--was meaningless. I had spent my adult life making lists and checking things off; making plans for the Next Big Thing and then living it: trips, projects, classes. I'd distracted myself from the absence within by dangling bright shiny objects before my eyes. And all at once, I wasn't buying it any more.